"I'd prefer you bein' you, and not some weird... Shadow Jecht."
Just throwing that out there. A Shadow Jecht would be rude and horrible to her, and she doesn't want to deal with that.
Caelia's quiet when he talks about what he had done with Tidus. She has to really think on that, what he meant... so eventually, she looks up at him curiously.
"Hard on him how? I don't remember my father much, but I don't think he was ever hard on me. My grandmother, she's a different story, but she loved me all the same." And "hard on her" in this case was telling her granddaughter not to be so hard on herself when she couldn't use white magic like everyone else, among other things. She doesn't know what Jecht means when he says he was hard on his son, but she won't be ready for it, that's for sure.
"Nothing's ever gonna change me," he asserts, hands on her hips now, absently running his hand along there. "Not this me."
He looks sad, regret creeping in like a bad shadow.
"He wanted to be a blitz player like me. I told him he couldn't do it. Everything he tried to do, I showed him up. I called him a crybaby, made fun of him for it..." He lowers his eyes, not able to look straight at her now. His hands slowly falling away. "I told you I was a star back home. Truth is I was losing it before I was brought to Spira. I was a drunk. Too proud. Too up my own ass to see what the hell I was doin' to my life. I was missin' passes and shoots because I was drunk and kept drinkin' cause I was angry I missed. The last game I played in Zanarkand was the first game I lost in a long time."
He barks a laugh. He was an idiot.
"Kid told me to stop drinking once and I said I'd do it tomorrow. 'cause why do today what you can do tomorrow. I didn't stop drinking. Not till almost half way through our journey in Spira."
"Those were the last things he remembered me for, Caelia..."
Wow. He sounded like a right arsehole, didn't he? Caelia doesn't say anything while he talks, an emotionless expression on her face while she does so. Obviously something changed him between that time and how he is now, and it was probably the Sin thing that he told her about after their hunt. He didn't go into a lot of detail, just that he became a summon, a Primal, and then became Sin. But whatever that entailed, it changed how he was as a person.
So, while it was great that he'd changed and wanted to atone and make up for everything, at least from the sound of it, especially that last bit he says...
"You were a fucking arsehole, weren't you?"
A little different than the brand of arsehole he is now; someone who actually cares about people and wants to help instead of being... the way he was. They're not too far from each other, so while he's not expecting it, he gets a nice slap across the cheek.
"That's for your son." She's quiet for a moment, taking in a breath. "I can see why he wouldn't wanna talk to you or see you. But if he changes his mind, it's gonna be on his terms. But when he does, you better bow your head and beg for his forgiveness, aye?" However, she didn't know that Jecht, she knows the one in front of her. The one that worried over so much with her involved. Her arms slip around him again, and she holds him as tight as her arms can.
"You obviously changed, an' I'm glad you did. I probably wouldn't be standing here with you if you hadn't. So if you can do right by him now, you need to. Else I'll have to slap you more," as a grin tugs at the corner of her lips.
The slap is, well, like a slap to the face. He pauses mid-inhale and stares at her, stunned. He touches his face and eventually chuckles low as he listens, shaking his head slowly.
"Can't just apologize. I've got an image." He's smiling wryly, mirthless. "And he ain't gonna buy it." Look. Feelings and manliness are complicated. He keeps a hold on her by slipping his own arms around her so she can't pull back and try to slap him again. "Don't get mad. I wasn't disagreein'. It's just complicated."
He dips his gaze.
"He wants answers and he ain't gonna be ready for it. I gotta prepare... And get a grip." Because he's in no way composed right now. "Can I stay the night? Auron's gonna be pissed at me too."
"You can drop your 'image' to say you're sorry to your kid if he wants to hear one. One you actually mean, Jecht. You sound like you regret the things you did an' all, but I know it'll be more than just sayin' it."
Not that she knows his kid is the kid she's helped and teased a few times now... wait til she finds that one out and can tell Jecht that the apple definitely didn't fall far from the tree!
When he tells her not to get mad and that it's complicated, she makes a disgruntled sound; she wouldn't have slapped him again, but she doesn't sound very happy about his reasonings. It's followed by a deep sigh, and while Cae's preparing for some explanation (because you don't just say what he said about his kid not being ready for answers and not explain yourself!!!!) she nods.
"Aye, you can. Not surprised Auron would be angry with you for that. But you're gonna have to explain what you mean by answers your kid isn't ready for and all that."
"I told you 'bout what happened to me, right? The pilgrimage, the price for defeating Sin. Who killed me in the end." He brushes a strand of hair ineffectually behind her shoulder, watching it fall back forward. "I set him on that path. I wanted to be free so badly I went to our Zanarkand ten years after I became Sin and destroyed it. I brought him to Spira. I made him kill me."
It's a lot more complicated than that but cliff notes.
"He doesn't know any of that. He knows I'm Sin but not why or how. He doesn't know summoners die when they succeed and he's started on his own pilgrimage with Yuna. I gotta tell him myself but... He's rejectin' me. I gotta do this another way. He's gotta stay calm enough to listen and he ain't ever calm 'round me."
"... The only way to make it up to him is to tell him the truth. My apologies ain't gonna be worth shit until then."
She's quiet, listening to his words, his feelings, his resolve. He wants to make things right with his son, with how things are. She breathes in as if to say something, but ends up not; it wouldn't be right, probably, and it's not her place. So instead...
"If you ever need help with your kid, an' you think I can help, you tell me. Even if it's just that I'm there to tell you to not be a goobbue's arse to him. I don't have a place to do much else, but..."
Look, she wants Jecht to know that she cares and that she wants to support him in any way she can. She's bad at words for things like this, but Caelia really does want Jecht and his son to be able to mend things, even if it's a little bit at a time, to get that seed planted and watered for them to be able to bloom, metaphorically speaking.
"Because you know I'll tell you to not be a goobbue's arse, you goobbue." There's a hint of smile behind it. She doesn't mince words, and she will be very vocal about it if she has to.
They'll get there. He believes they will, but it's harder than it should be. He smiles at her offer though, knows she's another item in the long list of things to tell Tidus, but the sentiment is enough. More than he can ask for.
"Hmm... Guess I'll have to work my way back up to Charming," he jokes lightly, still playing with her hair. Not tugging this time. "Give me some time. I'll introduce you when he's ready." He huffs. "Till then you're probably the only one who can keep me in line."
Auron can. Regis too. But he's liable to get into an argument with Auron more than anything.
He leans forward to press a kiss to her temple. "Thank you."
It's probably weird to hear him sound so somber. It's a side she's seen more often than most.
"You're still Charming, but you can also be a goobbue too." She grins a little when he presses a kiss to her, and she shakes her head.
"I'll do what I can, but I know it's not really my place otherwise. But go on upstairs, you probably need to rest, aye? You looked like you crawled your way out of hells when you came knockin' at my door an' that can't be good for you."
Just gonna herd him on up the stairs because damn man, listen to your girl. She knows best. Kinda.
He chuckles, moves an arm around her shoulder to give her a hug. "Takes more than that to get me down." A whole, whole lot more. "But sleep ain't a bad idea."
He lets himself be herded but it's more than obvious with the little touches and holding of her hand that he wants her to join him in the bedroom. Whether she does or not, he'll get comfortable in bed, sinking in there with a soft sigh. The bonus of her being there is she'll get pulled into a cuddle almost immediately.
"Wake me up if the walls start to crack, alright?"
He's gotten it under control for the most part but it's hard to keep emotions down in his sleep.
With him pulling her along, even in his subtle ways, she can't really say no to at least laying with him for a while so he can sleep comfortably and without too many worries.
Once they reach her bed, and Jecht gets himself comfortable, she sits herself down and glances at him, grin appearing. "Maybe I should sing you to sleep then," though it's mostly joking. ...until she realizes that maybe that would be a good idea, actually. So when he pulls her into a cuddle, Cae chuckles and wraps an arm around him... and begins to hum. At first it's the song he'd taught her, that Hymn one. It calms him, makes him feel at ease... so it's natural that's what she starts humming first. She continues for a bit, going into songs she knows from home after, hoping it'll be enough to keep him sleeping peacefully, sleeping off all of the bad things that had happened today.
Anytime he stirs after she lets the humming taper off, she begins again. It can't be like this all the time, of course, but it can be today. He doesn't need to suffer more right now.
Jecht laughs softly at the offer but the amusement turns into a tightness in his chest when he realizes what she's singing. He pulls her closer and closes his eyes, letting the song wash over him. Hearing the Hymn, being able to feel something from it, it hasn't stopped giving him conflicted emotions even as it soothes him.
He drifts off soon after, still aware of her humming, dimly curious about their origins. It's as good a sleep as he can get after everything that happened today and things are quiet for almost an hour when he starts to toss.
A troubled grimace appears and he turns away from her and onto his back.
"Amalis..." His tone is whispered, pained, yearning, full of regret. "... I'm sorry."
Sure, things were peaceful enough. Jecht's as calm as he can be, and really, that's all she can ask for. Once her humming tapers off, it's from her own beginnings of sleep. It's been a while since she had someone to be able to hold her like this, and it's nice...
...until he starts tossing and turning. It's enough to wake her, considering she's against him as close as she'd like to be. Eyes open as she watches him turn away and go to sleep on his back-- but what-- who's Amalis? Unless... it's who she's now thinking it is.
His wife. Of course. That has to be it. There's no replacement for someone like that. He's already away from her, so... he likely won't notice her getting up.
Going down the stairs.
And out the door to sit on the porch outside. It's dark now, sure, but that doesn't bother her much. Kineta's followed her outside, curled on Caelia's lap now, idly getting attention while Cae watches the sky and the stars. None of the constellations are ones she recognizes and that... actually makes her feel a little more lonely.
But, like she does, she'll deal. She just has to figure out how.
Jecht doesn't immediately wake, continuing to experience a dream that has him jarring awake with his hand outstretched. "Wait!"
He calls out, breathing heavy before his eyes adjust. Not his room. Caelia's. He turns to where she should be and frowns. Frowns more when he hears a far too familiar crackle behind him as a tiny surface piece of a wall falls onto the bed. A small crack having come from him when he woke.
"Dammit," he runs a hand through his hair and sighs. Rises to look for her, growing more concerned when she's no where inside the house. There's a moment where he feels a tightness in his chest when he sees her sitting there. Alone. In the dark.
"Did I snore?" He asks, trying to lighten the mood with sleep still in his voice, coming to sit next to her.
Ah... she figured he would have stayed asleep and she could have slipped back in unnoticed after getting some air and clearing her head. It's not his fault, she doesn't blame him - especially since she knows she occasionally talks in her sleep, seeing ghosts of her own past.
It doesn't make it sting less, but there's no use getting that angry over it.
The corners of Cae's mouth twitch up briefly in a smirk, and Kineta's ears twitch, though she doesn't stir. "It wasn't snorin', no. Just... needed some air."
Not a lie, but she's not giving a reason for it. Just... gonna say it like that.
Well, worry for her, that is. She sighs and shakes her head.
"If you'd rather be here with me, though, I won't tell you to leave or anythin' like that. I'm not that cruel." Not usually! But as long as she's good enough for him, she won't tell him to take a hike or anything like that.
He huffs in amusement. He wants to hug her but he holds himself back, reaching to cover her hand and give it a light squeeze instead. Pulling away a few seconds later and rising to his feet.
"I'm going back inside. Holler if you need me, alright? I'll try not to break anything when I go back to bed."
A soft chuckle as he looks back at her. A little sad but understanding. She still wants him around. They can make it work. Hopefully.
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2019-12-05 10:50 am (UTC)Just throwing that out there. A Shadow Jecht would be rude and horrible to her, and she doesn't want to deal with that.
Caelia's quiet when he talks about what he had done with Tidus. She has to really think on that, what he meant... so eventually, she looks up at him curiously.
"Hard on him how? I don't remember my father much, but I don't think he was ever hard on me. My grandmother, she's a different story, but she loved me all the same." And "hard on her" in this case was telling her granddaughter not to be so hard on herself when she couldn't use white magic like everyone else, among other things. She doesn't know what Jecht means when he says he was hard on his son, but she won't be ready for it, that's for sure.
cw: mentions of alcoholism, verbal abuse
Date: 2019-12-07 05:58 pm (UTC)He looks sad, regret creeping in like a bad shadow.
"He wanted to be a blitz player like me. I told him he couldn't do it. Everything he tried to do, I showed him up. I called him a crybaby, made fun of him for it..." He lowers his eyes, not able to look straight at her now. His hands slowly falling away. "I told you I was a star back home. Truth is I was losing it before I was brought to Spira. I was a drunk. Too proud. Too up my own ass to see what the hell I was doin' to my life. I was missin' passes and shoots because I was drunk and kept drinkin' cause I was angry I missed. The last game I played in Zanarkand was the first game I lost in a long time."
He barks a laugh. He was an idiot.
"Kid told me to stop drinking once and I said I'd do it tomorrow. 'cause why do today what you can do tomorrow. I didn't stop drinking. Not till almost half way through our journey in Spira."
"Those were the last things he remembered me for, Caelia..."
no subject
Date: 2019-12-08 06:11 am (UTC)So, while it was great that he'd changed and wanted to atone and make up for everything, at least from the sound of it, especially that last bit he says...
"You were a fucking arsehole, weren't you?"
A little different than the brand of arsehole he is now; someone who actually cares about people and wants to help instead of being... the way he was. They're not too far from each other, so while he's not expecting it, he gets a nice slap across the cheek.
"That's for your son." She's quiet for a moment, taking in a breath. "I can see why he wouldn't wanna talk to you or see you. But if he changes his mind, it's gonna be on his terms. But when he does, you better bow your head and beg for his forgiveness, aye?" However, she didn't know that Jecht, she knows the one in front of her. The one that worried over so much with her involved. Her arms slip around him again, and she holds him as tight as her arms can.
"You obviously changed, an' I'm glad you did. I probably wouldn't be standing here with you if you hadn't. So if you can do right by him now, you need to. Else I'll have to slap you more," as a grin tugs at the corner of her lips.
no subject
Date: 2019-12-31 10:21 am (UTC)"Can't just apologize. I've got an image." He's smiling wryly, mirthless. "And he ain't gonna buy it." Look. Feelings and manliness are complicated. He keeps a hold on her by slipping his own arms around her so she can't pull back and try to slap him again. "Don't get mad. I wasn't disagreein'. It's just complicated."
He dips his gaze.
"He wants answers and he ain't gonna be ready for it. I gotta prepare... And get a grip." Because he's in no way composed right now. "Can I stay the night? Auron's gonna be pissed at me too."
no subject
Date: 2019-12-31 11:01 am (UTC)Not that she knows his kid is the kid she's helped and teased a few times now... wait til she finds that one out and can tell Jecht that the apple definitely didn't fall far from the tree!
When he tells her not to get mad and that it's complicated, she makes a disgruntled sound; she wouldn't have slapped him again, but she doesn't sound very happy about his reasonings. It's followed by a deep sigh, and while Cae's preparing for some explanation (because you don't just say what he said about his kid not being ready for answers and not explain yourself!!!!) she nods.
"Aye, you can. Not surprised Auron would be angry with you for that. But you're gonna have to explain what you mean by answers your kid isn't ready for and all that."
no subject
Date: 2020-01-03 07:59 am (UTC)It's a lot more complicated than that but cliff notes.
"He doesn't know any of that. He knows I'm Sin but not why or how. He doesn't know summoners die when they succeed and he's started on his own pilgrimage with Yuna. I gotta tell him myself but... He's rejectin' me. I gotta do this another way. He's gotta stay calm enough to listen and he ain't ever calm 'round me."
"... The only way to make it up to him is to tell him the truth. My apologies ain't gonna be worth shit until then."
no subject
Date: 2020-01-06 07:07 am (UTC)"If you ever need help with your kid, an' you think I can help, you tell me. Even if it's just that I'm there to tell you to not be a goobbue's arse to him. I don't have a place to do much else, but..."
Look, she wants Jecht to know that she cares and that she wants to support him in any way she can. She's bad at words for things like this, but Caelia really does want Jecht and his son to be able to mend things, even if it's a little bit at a time, to get that seed planted and watered for them to be able to bloom, metaphorically speaking.
"Because you know I'll tell you to not be a goobbue's arse, you goobbue." There's a hint of smile behind it. She doesn't mince words, and she will be very vocal about it if she has to.
no subject
Date: 2020-01-10 07:54 am (UTC)"Hmm... Guess I'll have to work my way back up to Charming," he jokes lightly, still playing with her hair. Not tugging this time. "Give me some time. I'll introduce you when he's ready." He huffs. "Till then you're probably the only one who can keep me in line."
Auron can. Regis too. But he's liable to get into an argument with Auron more than anything.
He leans forward to press a kiss to her temple. "Thank you."
It's probably weird to hear him sound so somber. It's a side she's seen more often than most.
no subject
Date: 2020-01-16 05:48 am (UTC)"I'll do what I can, but I know it's not really my place otherwise. But go on upstairs, you probably need to rest, aye? You looked like you crawled your way out of hells when you came knockin' at my door an' that can't be good for you."
Just gonna herd him on up the stairs because damn man, listen to your girl. She knows best. Kinda.
no subject
Date: 2020-01-19 04:31 pm (UTC)He lets himself be herded but it's more than obvious with the little touches and holding of her hand that he wants her to join him in the bedroom. Whether she does or not, he'll get comfortable in bed, sinking in there with a soft sigh. The bonus of her being there is she'll get pulled into a cuddle almost immediately.
"Wake me up if the walls start to crack, alright?"
He's gotten it under control for the most part but it's hard to keep emotions down in his sleep.
no subject
Date: 2020-01-25 09:55 am (UTC)Once they reach her bed, and Jecht gets himself comfortable, she sits herself down and glances at him, grin appearing. "Maybe I should sing you to sleep then," though it's mostly joking. ...until she realizes that maybe that would be a good idea, actually. So when he pulls her into a cuddle, Cae chuckles and wraps an arm around him... and begins to hum. At first it's the song he'd taught her, that Hymn one. It calms him, makes him feel at ease... so it's natural that's what she starts humming first. She continues for a bit, going into songs she knows from home after, hoping it'll be enough to keep him sleeping peacefully, sleeping off all of the bad things that had happened today.
Anytime he stirs after she lets the humming taper off, she begins again. It can't be like this all the time, of course, but it can be today. He doesn't need to suffer more right now.
no subject
Date: 2020-02-03 05:03 pm (UTC)He drifts off soon after, still aware of her humming, dimly curious about their origins. It's as good a sleep as he can get after everything that happened today and things are quiet for almost an hour when he starts to toss.
A troubled grimace appears and he turns away from her and onto his back.
"Amalis..." His tone is whispered, pained, yearning, full of regret. "... I'm sorry."
no subject
Date: 2020-02-17 10:17 am (UTC)...until he starts tossing and turning. It's enough to wake her, considering she's against him as close as she'd like to be. Eyes open as she watches him turn away and go to sleep on his back-- but what-- who's Amalis? Unless... it's who she's now thinking it is.
His wife. Of course. That has to be it. There's no replacement for someone like that. He's already away from her, so... he likely won't notice her getting up.
Going down the stairs.
And out the door to sit on the porch outside. It's dark now, sure, but that doesn't bother her much. Kineta's followed her outside, curled on Caelia's lap now, idly getting attention while Cae watches the sky and the stars. None of the constellations are ones she recognizes and that... actually makes her feel a little more lonely.
But, like she does, she'll deal. She just has to figure out how.
no subject
Date: 2020-03-03 03:41 pm (UTC)He calls out, breathing heavy before his eyes adjust. Not his room. Caelia's. He turns to where she should be and frowns. Frowns more when he hears a far too familiar crackle behind him as a tiny surface piece of a wall falls onto the bed. A small crack having come from him when he woke.
"Dammit," he runs a hand through his hair and sighs. Rises to look for her, growing more concerned when she's no where inside the house. There's a moment where he feels a tightness in his chest when he sees her sitting there. Alone. In the dark.
"Did I snore?" He asks, trying to lighten the mood with sleep still in his voice, coming to sit next to her.
no subject
Date: 2020-03-05 04:38 am (UTC)It doesn't make it sting less, but there's no use getting that angry over it.
The corners of Cae's mouth twitch up briefly in a smirk, and Kineta's ears twitch, though she doesn't stir. "It wasn't snorin', no. Just... needed some air."
Not a lie, but she's not giving a reason for it. Just... gonna say it like that.
"Don't worry 'bout me."
no subject
Date: 2020-03-13 02:39 pm (UTC)"Yeah? I wasn't talkin' in my sleep either?"
Hey, he's not completely oblivious.
"I was dreamin' 'bout her. My wife."
no subject
Date: 2020-03-19 10:38 am (UTC)It's not terrible, and she's not mad. If anything, Cae just seems more... distant.
"It's fine. Not like I can stop it, an' I probably do the same."
It just... hurts.
no subject
Date: 2020-03-29 12:53 pm (UTC)"I can't... I can't tell you I don't love her or miss her. And after what happened to my son, I guess I..."
Guilt? That he didn't do right by their kid.
He shakes his head.
"But you're who I want to be with right now."
no subject
Date: 2020-04-03 08:00 am (UTC)Well, worry for her, that is. She sighs and shakes her head.
"If you'd rather be here with me, though, I won't tell you to leave or anythin' like that. I'm not that cruel." Not usually! But as long as she's good enough for him, she won't tell him to take a hike or anything like that.
no subject
Date: 2020-04-06 10:09 am (UTC)He's not completely blind to his own selfishness, even though he enjoys trying to mold people to his wishes.
no subject
Date: 2020-04-06 10:44 am (UTC)Because no, she really doesn't mind him here.
"I just need a bit of time, is all."
no subject
Date: 2020-04-07 05:47 am (UTC)"I'm going back inside. Holler if you need me, alright? I'll try not to break anything when I go back to bed."
A soft chuckle as he looks back at her. A little sad but understanding. She still wants him around. They can make it work. Hopefully.